I wanted to start blogging because I have so much to say and I feel like everyone should see it. Looking around its hard to find others who relate to me or understand. I grew broke I had to struggle I practically raised myself. Both my parents left me when I was young, hopeless, and lost having to figure out the world by myself. I was emotionally damaged. Crying all the time and blaming it on the sky being blue. Feeling like those tears made weak. In turn I think what I really ever needed was a family but of course 6 year old me didn’t know that. My life was going to church because grandma said so, going to school because grandma said so. For a long period of my life it was just grandma and I.
“Why are you always so unhappy Imani”
“I give you everything you want why are you always so unhappy Imani?” This was a questions my grandmother asked me for years. For a long period in my life I never smiled I just sulked. And me telling her I miss my mom or saying I just want love, somehow didn’t connect I guess.
I had nothing , no one, no help and I kept going working my way to the top. Anything you want you can do my grandma once told me recently. She said I made myself from scratch. She never spoke words like these to me before with so much positivity. For most of my life when a tear fell I was told to pray. No comfort no compassion just shut up and pray. Suddenly, I felt myself at a constant drift pushing myself forward feeling as though I had no backbone no love or support but something about this particular time it fell as if her words were what I was longing to hear for the majority of my childhood.
For a while I was just drifting unable to launch myself forward until that moment gave me a specific boost. I had to step into my greatest form. I had to remember what I was fighting for. Fighting to be the first person in my family to go to college, I was fighting to accomplish goals no one in my family had reached before, I was fighting for happiness, a peace of mind, sanity. I WAS FIGHTING TO CHANGE THE WORLD.