I wanted to start blogging because I have so much to say and I feel like everyone should see it. Looking around its hard to find others who relate to me or understand. I grew broke I had to struggle I practically raised myself. Both my parents left me when I was young, hopeless, and lost having to figure out the world by myself. I was emotionally damaged. Crying all the time and blaming it on the sky being blue. Feeling like those tears made weak. In turn I think what I really ever needed was a family but of course 6 year old me didn’t know that. My life was going to church because grandma said so, going to school because grandma said so. For a long period of my life it was just grandma and I.
“I give you everything you want why are you always so unhappy Imani?” This was a questions my grandmother asked me for years. For a long period in my life I never smiled I just sulked. And me telling her I miss my mom or saying I just want love, somehow didn’t connect I guess.
I had nothing , no one, no help and I kept going working my way to the top. Anything you want you can do my grandma once told me recently. She said I made myself from scratch. She never spoke words like these to me before with so much positivity. For most of my life when a tear fell I was told to pray. No comfort no compassion just shut up and pray. Suddenly, I felt myself at a constant drift pushing myself forward feeling as though I had no backbone no love or support but something about this particular time it fell as if her words were what I was longing to hear for the majority of my childhood.
For a while I was just drifting unable to launch myself forward until that moment gave me a specific boost. I had to step into my greatest form. I had to remember what I was fighting for. Fighting to be the first person in my family to go to college, I was fighting to accomplish goals no one in my family had reached before, I was fighting for happiness, a peace of mind, sanity. I WAS FIGHTING TO CHANGE THE WORLD.