Always remember let happiness find you Pray for joy. Pray for a healthy mind. Pray for a good heart.

Self love 

” Staying true to self”

I know a lot of people preach about self love. Yatta yatta yatta. But yall not really loving yall selves. I see people get upset at other peoples happiness. I see a lot of y’all shoot down things you should be excited for. I seem many of you take your anger out on other people. All that hate and anger you have stems from unhappiness with self. You’re confused with yourself so everyone else is the problem. When you get to know yourself you will truly have your own mind. What do you like what interests you? Do you even like being alone? When you find that comfort zone you can find a source of happiness. You stop putting so much focus on everyone elses actions and all energy is placed on self. Then gradually things start to work in your favor. You must first love yourself. It sounds so easy but its the hardest thing to do. Learn you in and out what makes you happy what makes you sad. What you no longer enjoy being around. Things you like to do not just for money or popularity but for your soul.

The number one reason self love is so important is b/c that weird person you think you are. That music you like, the books you love to read, the art you’re interested in whatever it might be there are people out there that fit you like a puzzle and like it too. Thats why its important to stay true to self. You are going to miss out on the people you want to be around trying to get the acceptance of everyone else.

Self awareness

Living In the Moment 

Self awareness is living in the moment taking it for what is it. And becoming aware of the reason youre doing some thing. Take a moment, wherever you are and ask yourself what am I doing and where do I plan to be. Be aware of how you spend money and if it has any long term beneficial reward. If it only makes you happy for short term you might want to consider letting it go. Be aware how you talk to others and if your communication needs to be improved. How do others feel after you speak to them. Be aware of how you feel. Are you happy or sad more often than you should be? Try to speak to everyone better even if you do not want to. The energy you put in the universe gets reflected back to you.

Meditation 

You must be in-sync with your mind to read your heart

Practice meditation. Download the calm app and listen to the gentle breeze. Take a second to breathe and realize where you are. Just feel your hands your toes. Breathing in and out move the way your body carries you. Meditation provides a connection with the mind and the body. It allows you to unlock that self awareness. Helping you to make better choices, better habits, and a better connection with self. You can also try yoga. Moving around a lot its always beneficial to find a practice that helps you to unwind and clear your mind. Realize where you are in this moment feel the breeze, feel the chair, enjoy the colors that you see and take the action to continue the rest of your day. Whenever you have a moment take a few seconds to breathe in and out clear your mind and keep going. It helps to improve your mood.

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If you really want to extend your path to happiness and working with things like anxiety here are a few more tips.

1.Read your bible. Or fully practice whatever spiritual things you’re into. (You do not have to be religious)

2. Read Podcast. Check out Therapy for Black Girls by Joy Harden Bradford or She’s Beauty and the Beast by Tracy G.

3. Exercise. Its a great way to clear your mind.

4. Always remember to pat yourself on the back. Keep going do not give up. You deserve it all.

5. Eating right! Eating is a big part of your mood health and mind. Don’t forget the fruits and veggies.

I don’t want to keep trying to make a change in the world and tell people to love themselves when I don’t even love myself and have not changed myself. I have so much I’m trying to do, so many things I want people to see. I want others to see the halo I have or what I see when I see myself. Then I begin to wonder why some days I don’t see myself. One day Im super woman, Im GODS Angel and the next day… I don’t even know who I am. I want to learn how to love, I want to teach the world how to love, I want everyone to love each other. Thats what my heart feels. But I have learned that there is a way it can be done. You cannot save everybody. You can’t especially save people when you.

I’m tired. Physically I’m tired but mentally I’m even more tired. I feel myself burning out. I WANT TO BE THE BEST. The best version of me I can be. I try to be good at all things. Realizing that its ok to be good at some things. It does not make you less. I try to control every aspect of my life, friends and family. Thinking I always have to be in control. I’m tired because I put the problems of others on my plate too much. Simply tired because I have this voice in me filled with anger and hate. I want to defeat the negative space that I have in my mind that tells me that no cares, the no one cares what you have to say, no one cares how hard you work, no one cares what you want to be, thats if you’re going to be anything. NO ONE CARES. Im tired of feeling wrong for having feelings, or always wrong for not being perfect for other people. I’ve heard I’m tired because I put the problems of others on my plate too much. Well I can’t help it.

 Vulnerability is strength, love is not weakness.

When you’re working hard doing things for yourself no safety nets no back up plans the worst thing you fear to be is vulnerable. Vulnerability is my biggest fear. Love is my biggest fear. I think being vulnerable is to allow people to come in and hurt you once you put your guard down and then assume the worst and just stay away. Now that isn’t really super woman of me. Scared of a little pain. Of a little hurt. If I don’t take the time to self love myself I will always have a wall built up. Learned that the hard way!

I always say when you have a pure soul that allows you to see the best in everyone and never hold grudges or never do anything out of spite or anger you have to be careful. I do believe you always have to keep that spirit tho. Being childlike is what I call it. Then, I have to take myself out of a space where I am constantly trying to compete with the next person. No one in the world is like me. They do not have my drive, vision, or work ethic. I am learning that I do not have to be superwoman for them I have to be superwoman for me. My life is not the best but it is not all bad. I can wake up everyday and can do anything I want to or go anywhere I want. Listen you are truly bound by nothing.

I have so many people in my ear trying to change every aspect of who I am. “Why do you talk like that”, “you not hood enough”, “you not proper enough”, “you not working hard enough”, “you work too much”, “you are a bitch”, “you are too nice”, “look at the mole”, “you’re lazy”, “that career doesn’t make any money”, “I’ll help you”, “wow I thought you were strong enough to do it on your own”, “you’re so smart”, “you’re so dumb”.

Isn’t it so funny how the harsh words cut so much deeper than the compliments, but the compliments never seem genuine anyways so neither matter much. I see the best in everybody but I see the worst in them to. So imagine being me. Trying to figure out who I am and trying to please everyone in the process. But no more.

NO ONE NEVER ASKED TO BE SUPERWOMAN I JUST MADE MYSELF THAT WAY

Once I was in an elevator and the lady who had got on made a comment. She said “wow I should have took the stairs” I was puzzled because the elevator was going down. I said to her you only have to take the stairs going up there is no benefit when you’re going down. It is actually quite funny because I seen her the other day getting on the elevator and I asked was she going to take the stairs and she laughed and said I will on the way back up.

Taking the stairs up is an analogy to life. What benefit does taking the stairs down have if you haven’t even practiced going up? Think about it in relation to your body. Which one is more beneficial. The walk up or the walk down? The walk up is so crucial so hard when all you’re thinking about is the many more flights you have to go. But think about the self reward you have after you made it to the top. A little tired, that’s ok but glorious. I know no one enjoys the walk down either or the “bad days” is what I like to relate it to but those times come when we must go down those stairs. See but the down is only significant if the climb back is more powerful. Without that climb up the walk down is just a pop down the stairs, you don’t even count the flights. So why focus so much on the fall down when you have not even prepared yourself to get back up. You have not even practiced the hard part. The hard part is climbing those three flight of stairs. Then when you think about the bottom of those stairs and maybe have to start over again you won’t be afraid of going back up because you have mastered it. If we are comparing this with life, things get tough. Work gets tough, school gets tough, our relationships get tough. But the hardships only overcome our success when we haven’t practiced climbing those stairs enough. The wrong thinking is that you must work 40 percent and rest 60. Or any other ratio where the work is less than the rest or even equal. Its just simply not right. Success is a full time sacrifice. Not being afraid to fail. Not being scared of the going down. Not stopping because things get hard. And most definitely not relying so much on the simple part. Falling is so simple. Its the most simplest thing you can do. “Let go” pop down those stairs. But that’s not what winners do. When we think of stairs we think of the climb up. The climb down is not even important to us. We think about each flight up. Today 3 tomorrow 5. And when you have mastered those stairs, when you have mastered overcoming fear, when you have mastered seeing yourself in a certain position and then doing the work to put yourself in that place. You can be successful in any endeavor you chose to pursue. It all starts with you. It all starts with the stairs. It all starts with thinking up.

Often times us women tend to give out all our love and never receive anything in return. To family , to friends, to lost or current lovers. You try to fix everybody but only end up losing yourself. But oh darling you should never lose yourself trying to fix everyone else. See I do so much in a days times, so much crying, so much working, so much school. What good have I done? Am I really doing any good at all? Questions I had to stop and ask myself. See this love letter is not just about bragging its about recognition. Admiration for all the things I forget to see. A remembrance for all the things I want to be. SO…

Dear Imani,

You know you are going to win because you put God above anything else like no one I have ever seen. Your smile lights up a room. Almost like your presence gives life to the world. Imani I wonder what makes you go? What keeps you pushing forward? What makes you so happy? The way you push all the negative thoughts away to put a smile on the face of others is so amazing. You are so amazing.

Did you know I love you girl? I love your hair, your corny jokes, and your silly dance moves when no ones watching. I love your teeth that are too big and your little tiny finger nails. You know how your feet sometimes look too big or your stomach sits out? I love that too. I admire your drive, your ambition. I love the smell of your natural hair. The way you smell like paradise and wonder. I love the look in your eyes when you tell a story. Or how you listen so intensely when someone’s talking. Or how vibrant you are when no ones watching. How everyone stopped believing but you still believe. Yes there is love in the world.

You are the love in the world. Your spirit so joyous and childlike always up in arms to those who try to tell you that’s not the way to be. See with that smile, and those tears that come so frequently at night and wiped away by morning, you secretly will change the world. I REPEAT ONE DAY YOU WILL CHANGE THE WORLD.

Funny enough some of these words were things I wished others would have said to me. A few words so short and simple. Appreciation for what I was doing. In relationships, in friendships I always tried to find others who loved me more than I loved myself. I just would go day to day without loving myself. I’m still trying to learn how to love myself fully but damn at a point I didn’t even like me. I could have at least liked me. I constantly wanted to change every aspect of who I was: my identity, skin color, hair texture when in reality there was really nothing wrong. Have you ever went to bed crying to God? Asking him why did he make you this way. Praying by the morning or maybe one day you could be worth something. Damn that shit really is a fucked up feeling. I’m saying y’all that is a really a fucked up feeling. How did I survive feeling like that?

You yourself should have a love letter appreciating you. Everyday you should wake up and see how beautiful you are, how strong you are, and how these men out here don’t stand a chance. To those wiped tears and long, long nights, and secrets only you keep.  It took me a long time but I realized no ones going to appreciate you like yourself. I always wanted this constant admiration from others. I never received it. So I gave it to me. I would write in my notes things I have accomplished or just positive notes. And whenever I would break down crying I would have to reread, reread and reread. See because now things are changing and self love is the best love. And nothing makes me feel more complete knowing that I got someone on this earth who loves me more than anything. ME!

        I want to know 5 things you love about yourself? 5 goals you have? Something about you no one else knows but you. WRITE YOUR LOVE LETTER!

I wanted to start blogging because I have so much to say and I feel like everyone should see it. Looking around its hard to find others who relate to me or understand. I grew broke I had to struggle I practically raised myself. Both my parents left me when I was young, hopeless, and lost having to figure out the world by myself. I was emotionally damaged. Crying all the time and blaming it on the sky being blue. Feeling like those tears made weak. In turn I think what I really ever needed was a family but of course 6 year old me didn’t know that. My life was going to church because grandma said so, going to school because grandma said so. For a long period of my life it was just grandma and I.

“Why are you always so unhappy Imani”

“I give you everything you want why are you always so unhappy Imani?” This was a questions my grandmother asked me for years. For a long period in my life I never smiled I just sulked. And me telling her I miss my mom or saying I just want love, somehow didn’t connect I guess. 

I had nothing , no one, no help and I kept going working my way to the top. Anything you want you can do my grandma once told me recently. She said I made myself from scratch. She never spoke words like these to me before with so much positivity. For most of my life when a tear fell I was told to pray. No comfort no compassion just shut up and pray. Suddenly, I felt myself at a constant drift pushing myself forward feeling as though I had no backbone no love or support but something about this particular time it fell as if her words were what I was longing to hear for the majority of my childhood.

For a while I was just drifting unable to launch myself forward until that  moment gave me a specific boost. I had to step into my greatest form. I had to  remember what I was fighting for. Fighting to be the first person in my family to go to college, I was fighting to accomplish goals no one in my family had reached before, I was fighting for happiness, a peace of mind, sanity. I WAS FIGHTING TO CHANGE THE WORLD.